Have you ever heard of the Myers-Briggs personality assessment? There are 16 different types. Every time I have taken this test (and I have actually had certified people administer this test to me on more than one occasion) I get INFJ. This personality type is unusual. Less than 1% (or less than 2-3% depending on your source) of the world’s population end up being INFJ.
I’m very proud to be an INFJ; it explains so much of my personality! I’d like to introduce you to 10 important facts about INFJs that you should know. (Note: These 10 things are all applicable to me, but they may not ring true with every single INFJ out there).
1. I will go out of my way to spare your feelings, even at the expense of my own.
This is something I have struggled with greatly. I have let people push me around and talk down to me without saying a word or even attempting to defend myself, all because I refused to cause them the same pain they were causing me. It’s not in me to be intentionally cruel to anyone.
“If you cannot say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
2. The “INFJ Door-Slam” is NOT a myth.
I’m exceptionally good at this one (I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not). It’s something all INFJs do, and I was shocked when I realize not many people outside of INFJs do this. There have been times when my own mother was envious of the fact that I find the door-slam simple.
Perhaps you’ve been incredibly cruel to me, or you’re just kind of mean on a regular basis. Maybe you have done something that horribly offends my values and ideals. If the level of pain/anger/etc. you have caused me or someone I care about is significant enough, you have earned yourself a door-slam.
What does this mean for an INFJ?
What a door-slam means to an INFJ is that they’re done and they’re turning off the emotion valve where you’re concerned. It’s not that I hate you; it’s just that my level of caring is now equal to what I feel about a person on the other side of the world and will never meet in my life. I’ve reached my limit and I am no longer going to waste my time, effort, thoughts or emotions on what I feel is a lost cause.
If you have been door-slammed, don’t expect to be my Facebook friend or texting buddy anymore. Don’t expect me to ever initiate contact. If you want to talk to me, you will have to make the effort.
Is forgiveness possible after a door-slam? Sure. Is it going to be easy? Absolutely not.
3. INFJs can be mistaken for quiet extroverts. We’re not.
I find it easy to talk to people once a conversation has been initiated and I have been included. People tend to flock to me, especially when they need a confidant.
However, I do not find significant amounts of social interaction stimulating. Instead, I find it exhausting. Parties, clubs, bars, lines, crowd… these are things straight out of my worst nightmares. The exhaustion when it’s over is mental and physical.
By the time I’m done with all things social, the only thing I want is to go home and immerse myself in peace and quiet so my batteries can recharge.
4. Criticism and conflict don’t work well with us.
If you have a problem with an INFJ, your best bet is to try to come to them about it in a peaceful and respectful manner. We’re people pleasers. If you come to me in a nice and approachable way, I’m going to try my hardest to fix whatever problem you have with me. If I feel like I’m being personally attacked, however, I shut down. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. You will not solve anything with me if you try to make me feel like I’m a bad person because of that.
5. There’s a reason we’re referred to as the “counselors” or “advocates” of the 16 personality types.
There are few better people you could confide in than an INFJ. We’re passionate, kind and insightful. If you come to me with a problem, I am going to do anything in my power to either be your listening ear, give you the best advice I can give you, or find someone else who is better equipped to handle your situation than I am. I will not leave you in the dust to deal with your own problems if you ask me for help. I’ll bend over backwards to help you.
6. I have tons of friends, but very few deep friendships.
I have learned that relationships of any kind with deep bonds aren’t something you can force. Casual friendships where I can have fun, laugh and hang out? Yeah, sure, those are kind of easy. But the friendships where I can go to you and spill all my problems without any doubt that the person will at least try to help me through them? Those are rare gems.
There are very few people in my life who have forged those bonds with me. It’s a connection that either happens or doesn’t. While I often become this person for the people around me, few people are able to breach the wall and return the favor.
7. When we find out we’re an INFJ, it’s like someone handed us the key to the world.
I used to feel like there had to be something wrong with me. It was like I was on one radio frequency, and the rest of the world was on one that was more static than clear reception. Finding out what it means to be an INFJ was like someone opened a door I didn’t realize was closed. The more I learned about INFJs, the more I realized I’m not as strange as I thought and there are other people who operate on the same principles and quirks that I do.
8. INFJ’s are incredibly deep thinkers.
We’re always looking for a deeper meaning in the world around us. Whether it be someone’s motive or why we’re on this Earth in the first place, we’re continuously searching for answers that explain more than what is going on at the surface. The surface does not satisfy us; we need to know what goes on below.
9. Despite our complexity, we can be easy to please.
It doesn’t take much to make an INFJ happy. Material possessions or gifts can be nice, but I care more about mental and emotional connections. I couldn’t care less if my boyfriend doesn’t spend a dime on me as long as I get to spend real quality time with him. Sure, gifts or outings are nice on occasion, but I’m happiest just spending time with him.
10. I’ve been accused of being shy. I’m not.
This is a common introvert problem in general. You would not believe how many people think I’m shy. Often, these people are extroverts. They don’t get that I genuinely do not enjoy social activities the same way they do. I’ll talk to you for hours about the meaning of life, but small talk? I’d prefer to sit back and listen, thank you very much.
If I’m talking, it’s because I have something to contribute. If I’m quiet, however, it’s not because I’m shy. I have nothing to say.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen! This by far does not cover everything there is to being an INFJ, but these are things I wish people understood about me.